


The Shoe

by NicksAddiction



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Frank Dillane - Freeform, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 22:30:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4937587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicksAddiction/pseuds/NicksAddiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my take on the inside of Nick's mind when he and his family are waiting for Travis to come home.  Everything is pretty much cannon except what I embellished.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shoe

My nose is burning like hell. It’s been awhile since I’ve had to snort Oxies, but it’s the only way I can get the high I need right now. H’s highs are insane but the lows are even worse. I pretend to sleep because I can’t stand the defeated way Mom looks at me. She looks at me like I’m broken beyond repair. I can’t stand it because it’s true. Still don’t know why she can’t just let me go. Things would be so much easier for her; hell Alicia has pretty much written me off already. She’s still brooding because I ruined her plans to go visit Matt earlier, but life ruiner is my pretty much my middle name nowadays. But guilt is a mighty compelling force even when it comes to lost causes. 

Mom is pacing around the house worrying about Travis and it’s driving me crazy. The man went back for his ex-wife for Christ sakes. My nerves are shot right now between the withdrawal and killing my best friend. Friend or my dealer? That’s an interesting question. Those lines have blurred a lot over the years. I guess today he was my dealer and I was nothing more to him than a liability. A lump starts to form in the back of my throat. Damn, I could really use some more Oxies right now, but Mom is convinced that she can wean me off. Like we don’t know how this is going to play out after whatever this is blows over, but for now I try to humor her.

I hear the closet door open. Really? She’s so desperate for a distraction that she is going to bust out the board games? But that is Mom’s area of expertise, jumping from one distraction to another. Right now I could use a little bit of distraction myself. I guess I really do come by in honest. 

“Really?” Alicia says with a sigh. 

Mom sits the game down on the coffee table, “Yep”.

Eagerly, I sit up and I see that of all the games Mom could have dragged out of the fucking closet it had to be Monopoly. His game. It’s been 6 years since we played it last.

“I’m the top hat.” Mom says as she starts to unbox the game. 

Alicia even decides to stop pouting and joins us at the table, “Car.”

“Shoe.” The word comes out of my mouth before I realize. 

Alicia’s face falls slightly as she glances over to me. “Dad was always the shoe.” 

Like I could ever forget that Dad was the shoe. Monopoly was his favorite game. We played it all the time growing up. Mom was always the top hat, my sister the car, and I was the dog. Anytime we were upset Dad would bust out Monopoly. After a few hours of competitive banter we would forget whatever it was that upset us in the first place. It didn’t matter if it was day or night. Once when I was 9 I had a nightmare and could not get back to sleep so Dad set the game up with just me and him at 3 in the morning. Turns out it’s a very boring with only two people. I was back asleep within an hour and he had to carry me back to bed. 

Suddenly a memory I have been trying to suppress manages to surface from under the haze. This is all too familiar. The worried look on Mom’s face. Alicia wanting answers. All of us huddled together around the coffee table just waiting. Fuck me. I seem destined to repeat all the worse days of my life no matter what I do. This is how it started six years ago. 

Dad had been working a lot of overtime to help make ends meet. He was a construction worker and was crew was working on a brand new shopping center. Like L.A. needed another fucking mall. His crew was working around the clock to have it done for its grand opening, so there was plenty of overtime. It wasn’t a glamorous job, but it helped but food on the table. 

At first Mom was annoyed more than anything. Dad was normally always home in time for dinner. She tried to call him a few times but chalked it up to being asked to stay a few more hours. So we ate dinner without him. Alicia and I washed the dishes while mom tried to reach Dad again. I knew by the expression on her face that she was starting to worry but I didn’t want to scare my little sister over nothing. We went through the motion of getting ready for bed and Dad still wasn’t home. 

“Mom?” I asked as she stood looking out the window. “Do you think something’s wrong?” 

“Shh,” She whispered. “I don’t want to scare your sister but I’m starting to worry.”

As soon as mom said that Alicia appeared in the door way “Mom, where’s Daddy?” 

“Just working late baby. He’ll be home soon.” Mom tried to assure her. “It’s late you two need to go to bed.” 

My sister hesitated for a moment but headed to her room. I on the other hand wanted to stay up and wait too. 

“I’m staying up.” I told her as I made myself comfortable in our recliner. 

“No sir.” Mom said pulling me to my feet. “If you stay up, Alicia will want to stay up. Now scoot.”

I sighed as I rolled my eyes, but I followed her orders and headed to my room. I couldn’t sleep though. I had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that I just couldn’t shake. A few hours went by and still no Dad. Close to midnight I heard my door slowly creek open. 

“Nicky, you asleep?” Alicia whispered as she drowsily rubbed her eyes. 

“No. Can’t sleep.”

She took that as an invitation to come on in.

“Do you think something is wrong?” She asked. 

My sister is two years younger than me, only 11 at the time, and I felt it was my duty to protect her. Besides we really didn’t know if something was wrong so why make her worried for no reason? I sat up in my bed next to her. I could see tears welling up in her frightened eyes.

I put my arm around her. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Why the tears? Dad’s just working late and he hasn’t had the chance to call mom.” 

“You think?” She sniffled. 

“I know.” I lied. To be honest I think that was really when Alicia stopped trusting me. 

About that time Mom came to the door Monopoly box in hand.

“Come on you two.”

We scrambled off my bed, racing each other to the coffee table. Alicia being smaller managed to squeeze between me and the door frame cutting me off. 

“I’m the race car!” She laughed.

“I’m the top hat.”

“I guess I’m the dog.” I barked at Alicia pretending to be upset and she giggled. 

As we played Mom glanced at the clock on the mantel every so often, but other than that we joked and laughed. It was the prefect distraction. 

“Yes, I think I will buy Park Place, thank you. And, that’s the pair.” I made sure to wave my cards around to tease my sister. 

“No fair Nicky! I swear you’re a cheater.” She punched me playfully in the arm. 

Mom laughed as she turned around to check the clock again. It was almost 2 in the morning. Just then we heard a car pull into our drive way. We all jumped up at the same time but I was the only one who could see out the window from where I was standing. Mom was already rushing to the door before I could stop her. 

I grabbed Alicia’s arm. “Go to your room.”

“Why? Are you crazy? Dad’s home.” She yanked her arm free and ran behind Mom. 

“Alicia! Mom!” 

It was too late mom had already thrown the door open. 

“Stephen!” Mom yelled but Dad’s name fell to a whisper. 

My Dad wasn’t on the other side of the door. Instead it was a police officer. One wearing the face of someone about to give horrible news. It must be a hard job telling people bad news in the earlier hours of the morning. Especially when the kids are present. 

“Mrs. Clark?” He asked. 

“Yes?” Mom said softly reaching to grab the door frame for support. 

“I’m Officer Heins. I regret to inform you there has been an accident involving your husband.”

The pit of my stomach bottomed out and I grabbed Alicia’s arm. I didn’t want her to hear this. It needed to come from Mom. She tried to shake me off but I kept trying to pull her away from the door. I eventually had to wrap my arms around her and pick her up as she fought against me. 

“Stop Nick! Something’s happened to Dad!” 

“Is he…?” Mom asked feebly.

“I’m sorry Ma’am the doctor’s did the best that they could. I’m afraid he didn’t make it.” 

Mom fell against the door frame and let out a straggled cry. Alicia who had been fighting me tooth and nail went limp in my arms. I continued to tote her back to her bedroom. She didn’t need to know the sorted details. Alicia clung to my shirt has I sat her down gently. Her face was already soaked in tears. 

“Nicky, Daddy can’t be dead. He can’t.” She cried. 

I pulled her close to me because I didn’t know what to say. “I have to go check on Mom.” 

She begged me not to leave her but I told her Mom needed me too and that I’d be right back. 

I crept back down the hall way to our living room. The officer had kindly but his arm around my Mom’s shoulder and was trying to be as comforting as possible. Even though he spoke low I could hear make out bits and pieces. They think he fell asleep at the wheel. His car drifted into in coming traffic. Two other vehicles were involved in the accident. I could feel my throat starting to close up. I had to force air in and out of my lungs. 

Dad was buried 3 days later after a modest service and Mom checked out of reality for a while. That is the Maddie Travis never new. The Maddie who would drink herself blind. Who would scare me and my sister half to death. Who could hit as hard as a man. If it wasn’t for Susu, Mom’s best friend and next door neighbor, she would have been completely lost. After seeing the black eye she gave me, after I yelled at her for scaring Alicia one night, she was the one who convinced Mom to get help. We stayed with her and her husband Patrick that summer while mom went to rehab. After she got out she vowed she would never hurt us ever again. Alicia who was still young and naïve was able to accept her back into her life like nothing happened. I on the other hand I forgave my Mom but I was never really able to trust her after that. 

Don’t get me wrong I love my Mom and I understand she was sick and needed help, but I know that she has to have some sort of distraction to keep herself going. For a long time it was me I was the project that consumed her life. She feels responsible for my problems and who knows she may have helped them along. Her life consisted of tracking me down and putting me in rehab for 4 years. Lather, rinse, repeat. Until two years ago. She got transferred to a new school and met Travis who is a teacher there. I’ll admit he’s good for Mom. He never once judged her for her past like a lot of guys would have done. Plus, it gave her a new distraction allowing me a little more freedom.   
I frown as I see her turn to look at the clock on the mantel. Now, here we are again waiting to see if the man she loves is going to make it home. I look down at the little sliver token in my hand and remember my Dad. I remember that I have seen Mom at her worst and we managed to pull through. She was stronger. In a way I’m stronger too.  
“I’m going to mop the floor with you guys I can feel.”


End file.
